Being curvalicious can be amazing sometimes but down right confusing these days when you go for BMI tests and the like.

While I enjoy being called a yummy mummy or have my butt compared to J-lo (Afterall she did insure it for millions), being asked if I am apple or pear-shaped makes me cringe especially if in the same sentence a therapist goes ‘if you are pear-shaped, you may have memory problems later in age’. Apparently its hard to determine mine as I seem to be one of the in between; a mixture of pear, apple and hourglass – whatever that means!

Naturally that would make me say, ‘hey, I’m darned sure I’m an apple cos my boobs equate to headlights and stop the traffic and the tummy and butt sticks out so when I wear a ‘mumu’, it looks all rounded. Well I’m hoping that’s a good sign until the therapist starts counting out what can go wrong if you are apple – diabetes, blood pressure or heart diseases. And if you wanna be a Kim Kardashian type with bulges in the right places but have to lose weight on the tummy, another lecture begins on after effects with cellulite and numerous spot reduction exercises etc.

Which brings me to the realisation that as a woman you can’t win….there is always going to be something that will be a pain in the ass (pun intended). At this stage I tell myself that the people in my life adore me just the way I am and who cares if I lose my mind being a pear shaped or am roly poly like an apple…now all I gotta do is get that darned BMI to the right levels. Something tells me I am going to miss Ramadan and whipping my fabulous self into shape.